I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
this will be a night to untag.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
