she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
