she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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