I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
