dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
