You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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