so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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