And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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