well most of my day revolves around power hour
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
