"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
