you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
