I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
