I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
