opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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