Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
