Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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