Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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