I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
