We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
