Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the day after is always just damage control
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
