I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
