At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
