matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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