The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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