I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
