Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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