Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
