Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
