ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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