Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
