i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
