is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
