Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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