Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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