I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
