I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
