I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
