Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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