dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
