i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have fence marks all over my body
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
