it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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