Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
