A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
