you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
