OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
it hurts more in the daytime
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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