Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
