I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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