When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
