I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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