Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
